Eleventh Sunday after Pentecost
August 4, 2013
Ephesians 5:25-26
The Secret of Marriage
In the name of Jesus.
I.
There
have been many great marriages in the Bible. Adam and Eve. Abraham
and Sarah. Moses and Zipporah. All these couples had strong
marriages, but none of them had smooth sailing. Eve ate the fruit;
Adam silently ate it, too (Genesis 3). Abraham pretended to not be
married to Sarah when it was convenient (Genesis 12; 20); Sarah
laughed at God (Genesis 18). Moses failed to circumcise their son, so
Zipporah had to man up and do it herself (Exodus 4).
These
are some of the great Christians of the Bible, but their marriages
were far from perfect. I hope this is encouraging for you—these
great heroes struggled in marriage just as you do. But they
struggled within marriage, not outside of
it.
This
tells us that marriage can be mysterious and overwhelming. And that
we need it, whether married or not.
This
month I'll be talking about marriage. And this discussion is for all
of us, whether you're married or not. Today I want to lay the
foundation for everything else I'm going to talk about in the coming
Sundays: the secret of marriage.
II.
What
is the secret of marriage? There are lots of answers to this
important question, many of them based on bad information and false
assumptions.
In
2009 a young man announced online that he was never going to marry
because he saw too many unhappy married people. A woman who agreed
him replied, “Out of 10 married couples … 7 are miserable … I'm
getting married next year because I love my fiance. However, if
things change, I won't hesitate to divorce him.”
To
many, both young and old, the secret to marriage is a consistent
level of happiness and love.
They want a spouse who is fun, intellectually stimulating, sexually
attractive, and with many common interests. They also want their
future spouse not to try and change them.
Due
to this unrealistic view, that your future soul mate exists and that
she will be perfect, many today are naturally scared of marriage and
this leads to waiting a very long time to get married, not getting
married at all, or getting married a lot. People are picky and expect
way too much from marriage and from their future spouse. But it
didn't always used to be this way.
III.
Think
of cultures that still arrange marriages. As enlightened modern
people, we are somewhat horrified that this still happens. We think,
“Hasn't anyone told them that you should only marry
because you are in love?” But our attitude is a relatively new one.
The long-held view of marriage is that it was a lasting bond between
a man and wife where children could thrive.
But
this view has been gobbed up by the “enlightened” view that
personal freedom and fulfillment are the most important
things in life. Instead of finding freedom through self-denial, by
giving up one's freedoms, marriage had been redefined
as a means to finding emotional and sexual fulfillment and
satisfaction. Now people marry for themselves.
New
York Times columnist Tara Parker-Pope is quite honest about how
the happy marriage is the “Me” marriage.
The notion that the best
marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may
seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be
about putting the relationship first? Not anymore. For centuries,
marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the
emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the
survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people
are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their
lives more interesting … [who] help each of them attain valued
goals.
Pastor
Tim Keller of Manhattan sums it well: “Marriage used to be about
us, but now it is about me”
(page 29).
The
truth is you never marry the right person. No two people are
compatible. We always marry the wrong person. We'll speak more to
this liberating truth later in the month. But for now “wrong
person” means that in marriage you discover that you've married a
stranger. You learn after the honeymoon that this person is different
from the one you dated. And now you'll spend the rest of your life in
close personal contact with this stranger. You'll see their flaws,
their quirks, their sin. You'll see it all—and they'll see you in
all your sinfulness, too.
IV.
Now
there is Someone who knows the real you. He's seen your ugly heart
and evil desires, and yet He still wants to know you. Indeed, He
already has sacrificed everything to be the Bridegroom. He has
sacrificed Himself for you and your spouse. And His name is Jesus.
Jesus
is the secret of marriage.
He is the foundation of your marriage, because He has washed you and
your spouse clean through holy-worded water at the start of your life
and with the drinking of His perfect blood week after week.
Your
marriage is an expression of the great Marriage between Christ, the
Bridegroom, and His holy Bride, the Church, of which you are part.
Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her
holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. (Ephesians
5:25-26)
Because
He died and lives again, your marriages have hope, because you don't
have to hope in yourself or in your spouse, but in your ever-faithful
and loyal Savior Jesus.
In the name of the Father
and of the † Son and
of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
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