Love Chooses to Love

Fifth Sunday of Easter

April 28, 2013

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love Chooses to Love

In the name of Jesus. Amen.

I.

Is it a good idea to force kids to make or buy Valentine's Day cards for everybody in their classroom? The Hallmark Greeting Card Company says it is a wonderful idea. Others may disagree in favor of freedom—you shouldn't be forced to do something unless you feel like it. On the other hand, the parents of the unpopular kids argue that Valentines for everyone is fair.

These students are doing kind things when they feel no kindness. As a father of future students, I wonder if forcing kids to give everyone Valentines (or birthday cupcakes) is undermining or reinforcing our heart-felt opinion that love is a heart-felt feeling.

But there's no doubting that in our lives, love is a feeling. And in a culture that revolves around ME, our feelings always curve back in on ME.

But love is not a feeling. It is a choice. Instead of red hearts, perhaps grey brains would be more constructive as Valentines.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Our hearts are failures. It only succeeds in doing the opposite of everything St. Paul speaks of. The writer G. K. Chesterton once wryly noted that "Certain new theologians dispute original sin, which is the only part of Christian theology which can really be proved," (Orthodoxy, chapter 2). He recognized original sin as the one Christian doctrine that is scientifically provable.

We can find feelings destroying our lives in our own homes. Many Christian spouses are convinced, based on their feelings, that their mate doesn't have feelings for them any longer. We all desire to feel loved, and this need is only amplified within marriage.

For example, take Pastor Keller's story of Craig and Julie (The Meaning of Marriage, pages 141-143). Craig had always had trouble putting himself into the shoes of others. He had no real friends and was always creating friction with co-workers.

Then he met Julie, and by their second date they were deeply infatuated with each other. She loved how he spoke his mind freely, and he loved that she had a thick skin. When his words turned hurtful, she told him off. And he loved it! Finally, a woman who wasn't a shrinking violet.

And so they got married. But in a few months, the marriage was in trouble. With his girlfriend, Craig had been on his best behavior, but at home with his wife, his natural instincts kicked in. Julie began to see how he dealt with everyone and that he would always have reltionship problems because of his insensitivity.

They eventually sought the help of their pastor. And over time they began to realize that love was a choice, not a feeling. Julie was a strong woman and she chose to love her husband by firmly rebuking his bad behavior and cruel words.

No one had ever accepted Craig like this and choosen to love him in this way. Everyone around him viewed love and friendship as feelings. So as soon as Craig hurt their feelings, they bailed. But his wife stuck because she had changed, too. Like her husband, she realized that love was not a feeling.

Love is a choice. It is an act of the will. And again this is nowhere more clear than in marriage. You choose to get married, but most choose to get married once they feel a certain way about someone. And once the guy pops the question, the girl chooses to say yes or no based on how she feels about him in that moment.

This is the decision process of our lives highlighted in this life-changing choice. We feel, then we do. Instead of this deadly trap, listen to Jesus' command.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:34-35)

The people in your lives—at school, at work, at church, and especially, at home—will put patience and kindness to the test. It is hard to feel patience and kindness when your children are slow to learn and slow to behave as they should. It is hard to feel patience and kindness when your spouse is tired and irritable. It is very hard to feel patience and kindness toward your spouse or children when they keep on making the same mistakes over and over again. And guess what? They feel just the same about you!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

But you ask, “When's it going to be my turn?” Notice that nowhere does Paul mention anything about when it'll be your turn. He's says nothing about fairness or freedom or your right to feel happy. He actually never mentions feelings or emotions at all. Because love is a choice.

II.

St. Paul writes about love many times without mentioning the word itself. For example, Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ … For each one will bear his own load. (Galatians 6:2,5)

Paul's words assume that this love that chooses to bear each other's burdens goes both ways. As a wise pastor once remarked, “God will give others to help me carry my burden; but my chief concern is that I am the one who is … helping others carry their burdens” (Deutschlander, The Theology of the Cross, page 101).

This concern for the burdens of others and the choice to sacrifice for them and even to deny pleasure and happiness to ourselves in the process is always the result of our new life in Jesus.

The lives of Jonathan and David show this. Jonathan should not have carried David's burdens; he should have been trying to help kill David. Jonathan's father Saul had made himself David's deadly enemy, even though God had removed Saul from the throne. Saul was the usurper, the pretender to the throne who was desparate to hang on to power. Jonathan should have felt entitled to the throne as the crown prince of Israel and should have despised David as the rightful king of Israel.

But instead by faith in the coming Savior, Jonathan carried David's burdens and sought to protect his rightful king. All the while Jonathan was risking death from his suspicious father by helping David. Jonathan choose to be kind to David, against his feelings, against his instincts, against his rights, and soon these actions lead to their close bond of friendship.

How true this is for us. True love seeks the best interests of the beloved. Love seeks, that is, love does something. Love is not a feeling; love is a choice. But our acts of love will lead to feelings of love. Parents, you love your children despite their freak outs and tantrums because you have to. And over time, you love them all the more. Love is a choice that leads to deep feelings of love and affection.

Maybe forcing kids to give other kids Valentines isn't a terrible idea after all. I don't know.

But I do know that just hours before His agonizing passion, Jesus was acting in love, acting in our best interest. He was teaching, He was giving, He was praying, all for us. Jesus makes this promise to us.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. (John 15:9-17)

He's risen! He's risen indeed! Alleluia!

In the name of the Father and of the + Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.